Oh my goodness!! I am so excited, baffled, with wonder as to why, and overall perplexed. (and I don't even know if I spelled all of that correctly?) I ask myself today about friendships... Why they exist, why they are seasonal, why they endure, and why they fade, why they rekindle, why they are emotional, why they are needed, why we are drawn to them, and what does God say about them?
All throughout I will point out what I have found God has to say about them:
Let's start with why they exist. I think we need friendships. We are a people of need, a part of that need is others. We need (healthy) friendships to lean on and someone to love and to be loved in return. Love from our significant other is a different kind of love. Love from God and our parents is a different kind. A friendship love is this: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Why are friendships seasonal? I think simply because our life is seasonal. An example would be: Are you still friends with those you went to high school with? What about college? Even further...Are you still best friends with your maid of honor? Chances are no. So many of our life's circumstances change like the weather seasons, we then are forced to adapt. Could you still call those in your life that are elsewhere friends? Yes, you could, and should. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Romans 12:10
Why do friendships endure? A good and healthy friendship could last forever. Years and years old are many friendships. Does that mean you have coffee together every morning and plan your day together? No, in most cases not! It may look more like this... Getting together once a month, once a year, or even every few years. A true friendship does not live off of, seeing each other everyday, and needing that time together. (that is what a marriage is supposed to be) A true friendship, in my opinion, is one that no matter the distance, or time apart, will remain. You will pick up right where you left off last time. You still know, in what cabinet she keeps her coffee mugs, and what brand of flour she used to make the cookies you share. A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24
Why they fade, and rekindle? The fading part is easy. You and/or your friend changes. Your opinions change, beliefs change, your directions and paths change. You no longer see yourself walking along the same road. She turned and went another way. She got busy with her life, her kids, her husband, her church and her work. She is not the same person you met years before. You loose touch.... Then there is the rekindling. This could happen for many reasons: Her circumstances have changed, she stays at home now and does not work. She moved back to town, kids grew up, sick parents passed away, her man became less needy =) LOL, etc. You meet to have coffee somewhere and just reignited that spark. Keep on loving each other as brothers. Hebrews 13:1
Why are they emotional? Well, if your friendships are not emotionally connected you should really re-evaluate them. We need brotherly love/ sisterly love. Love that at times, is closer than family. What I mean by closer than family, is some people don't have family close. Several town or states away means you will have some friendships that are literally closer than family. Someone to relate to on this ever fading earth. Someone to compare notes with. Someone to laugh with, to love, to share your secrets with, to tell you when you are wrong, and to grow with. The scripture that speaks to me of an emotional friendship is this: Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
Lastly, I think all of these reasons so far have explained the need for friendships and why we are drawn to them, so let's touch on how to have healthy ones. Throughout I have said "a healthy one". How many of us have had a not so healthy friendship? I certainly have. One that I needed too much from. One that I valued more than the most important things in my life. Therefore I would like to touch on how to avoid this.
We must always keep friendships where they should be. Sheila Erwin did a bible study a summer or 2 ago that I attended and she spoke of this...CHOOSE.
C-hrist
H-usband
O-ffspring
hOome
Self
sErvice
Now, the way that I see it you can add friends to Self or Service (to others) but, no matter where you add it, It does not come first! Christ comes first, Husband 2nd, and Kids 3rd, followed by your home. If you put friendship before any of these regularly, someone or all will loose, including you. Friendships are very important, but NOT the most important!! I have certainly learned this the hard way. I love all of my friends but my most healthy friendships are with those that I don't see everyday, every week, or even every month. They are those who I pray for and see when I can, and when it is a good time for them and me. Friendship should never be a burden.
If you should find yourself in an unhealthy friendship, pray about it and get out. If it is meant to last and you hang on it will come back around. Then when you get your 2nd chance to rebuild that friendship, choose to make it healthy, by putting Christ 1st, Husband 2nd, Kids 3rd, Your home 4th, then your friend. Go to have that coffee together knowing that everything else in your life is in the appropriate order and enjoy each other. Why in the world am I talking about friends?
I am in the middle of watching some fade, gaining some, and rekindling some. I have just today infact, been reminded of a friend from my childhood. She found me on FB and I am excited to see what is going on in her life. This has been a long post and dear to my heart right now. I don't just love change and right now I have alot of it going on. God is drawing me to a time of stillness with him and I am struggling to listen and obey. Fighting my human nature of rebelling. So, to wind this all down:
As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14
Dear Friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 1John 4:7
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